Childhood is.......

18 x 14  Canvas board, transparency, molding paste, wire, plaster, acrylics, glazes, tea bags, charcoal (white and black), colored pencils, crayons, pitt pen, image and muse!

Regarding my post on my twins and lavender..

Thank you all so much for the emails and comments I've received. I felt really sure about posting this but also wondered why I would put this out to "everyone". I don't believe my family reads my blog..that probably helped me feel safe. Safe because I was still hiding it, inside. My family has been extremely encouraging but at the same time..I'm different then they are. I was told that once and it devasted me. I held on to it for so long. The night I went into labor my dad and mom took me to the hospital. It was horrible. I could here the babies heart beats and the doctor was telling me there was nothing they could do. I lost time..I guess about 45 minutes. I looked up and my father had tears running down his cheek and was saying "i know, i know". My mind reminded me that he had two daughters before he married my mom. Because he felt it would be best for them, he let his x-wife's new husband adopt his girls and didn't see them again. He did know. He understood my loss. It was me who was the idiot ..young..at the time. You see my husband (who was living with his girlfriend) showed up drunk with a huge hickey on his neck. The doctor said I had to choose, one or the other. Only one visitor in the room. Gosh darn it..I chose my husband. Why? I held him and said it would be ok. Why? Daddy, I'm sorry..you tried to be there for me. Show me love and understanding and I pushed you away. Time to let go. Time to love my junk...the wonderful junk I collect and the junk I have carried around so deep inside.I would really like my blog to be uplifting. Oh how I wish I could write like some of the other blogs I visit. Share, encourage, be real and me. ......I haven't done any artwork in awhile. To busy...doing what? I don't really know. I think I will go to my wonderful studio now. My buddy and true friend Winnie (my dog) will accompany me. I am truly a blessed woman!!

Comments

[kelly snelling]

looking back through that baggage that we all carry around is hard work. try to be easy on yourself and patient. self-discovery is worth every second but it isn't easy. you are such a strong woman. you inspire me, friend.